Praise the lord that I have work tomorrow to distract myself with

I can’t deal with anything right now

Need to wallow

Now that we’ve broken up for the hols, everyone in my friend group from college are going shopping together or speaking of inside jokes on twitter… I feel like I mean absolutely shit all to them, I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong :’( Its ALWAYS like this, in ALL of my friend groups I feel the least liked, just feel like nothing would change if I wasn’t there.

Seriously like just why do I eat knowing I’m gonna spend the day crying afterwards

surely its just ‘don’t eat cause you’ll feel shit’ and I’ll refrain from eating 

BUT NO I CANT WHAT THE FUCK

Got a meal tonight for mine and Lukes anniversary so I kinda have to tonight but after tomorrow I really can’t be dealing with these constant feelings of shittiness. 

Getting rid of all my birthday chocolate tonight so I can start fresh.

Every time I feel down about Luke, like if we have an argument or something, I think of that viral picture going around of the old couple who say they lasted so long because when something broke, they fixed it. 

This is why we’ve been together for so long, I felt like I was broken, and he fixed me. He’s fixed me up and I now have the capacity to appreciate what he’s done for me. That’s why he’s so different from the other guys, they all left me when I needed them most and it made me worse. Luke stuck around and he made it all better, he’s turned my life around and I know it sounds so cliche and tacky and lovey dovey but I’m mostly just so happy that SOMEONE on the planet has the capacity to not run away from me because I was sad. 

I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to say here but there are some people, that I just wish would’ve realised this when they needed to. It would  have saved so much hassle and hurt. 

Happy anniversary to me :)

Just had an argument with this girl, she put something along the lines of ‘noone can complain about anything after what happened in oklahoma’

I simply replied the quote ‘saying someone cant be sad because someone has it worse off is like telling someone they cant be happy because someone has it better off’

and she went in a massive tizzy with me and started swearing and abusing me and whatever, 

I completely agree that yes, what happened in oklahoma is bad and yes it is a lot worse than dealing what I dealt with this morning when I got annoyed that there was only 2 dairy milks in my box of roses, but you cannot simply ignore all of anybodys problems because some other people on the other side of the planet have it worse.

My nan is deteriorating with Parkinsons disease BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER BECAUSE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET, WHICH I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT HAVE DIED/BEEN INJURED

The majority of my family suffer from depression, my mom constantly feels that nobody loves her and that she feels we’re better off without her BUT NO THAT DOESNT MATTER BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE HAS IT WORSE!

Myself, my friends and family all have a mix of have anxiety disorder, depression, low self esteem, eating disorders, some of my friends may fail their a-levels and some of them may break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend BUT NO THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL SADNESS OR PAIN BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY FEELS IT, THAT FEELING IS TAKEN NOONE ELSE IS ALLOWED NOPE

I’ve lost an inch off my legs and hips and 2 inches off my waist ^.^

2 year anniversary with Luke tomorrow HOLY SHIT how the fuck has he put up with me

why does food make me want to kms

Don’t have time for people who decided to blank me last week in regards to my party.

My party was fucking AWESOME and you missed it :) Just know that because you obviously don’t have time for me then I don’t have time for you. Bye bye

ok birthday day of eating shit all day has now made me wanna kms ffs

tomorrow back to normal

Birthdayyyy!

Today I woke up in bed with Luke, he said happy birthday and we snuggled for a bit before we went downstairs. Was greeted to a hot chocolate with squirty cream from his mom and there were banners and balloons around the room which is more than I get in my own house! First thing I saw was some beautiful lillies from his mom which I LOVE! We all sat down while I opened my presents, I had Fererro Rocher, Silver Linings DVD and some shorts from Luke’s mom and dad, a t shirt from his sister with some pugs on, and off his nan and grandad I had a mug with a pug on, some money, some chocolate cookies and a photo frame with cut out hearts on it which is lovely :3 Off Luke I had some converse, a superdry tee, a guitar tuner and a bag :)

Went back home to open presents, I had some really nice things like bath bombs, perfume, jewellry, money, photoframes, all my cards were cupcake or pug related :’)

Then went for a meal with my dad’s side of the family. Then went to my moms to open some more presents, my stepdad got me a boquet of freddos hahaha! Got some pug pyjamas too :) Then came back to Luke’s to chill :)

It’s been a good weekend xxxx